How To Make Him Chase You Again – And so I realized that there really is a book whose sole purpose is to make men chase.
Humans indeed have an innate tendency to want what they lack. Robert Cialdini was the first to say this in his seminal work, Influence.
And people also tend to chase what they think is within their reach (“cat string theory”).
But the main downside to the “let him chase” advice is that it doesn’t work with the best guys.
And like most generalizations, it sometimes works with someone, and in other situations it backfires with some men.
Being socially aware, they know what’s going on and will avoid chasing or stop as soon as you overdo it.
Therefore, letting him pursue you works best when you are above him in terms of overall personal worth and when he idealizes you.
But since women prefer men of roughly the same or higher value, the “let him chase” strategy is most likely to work with men you often don’t want as long-term partners.
And that’s why “letting him chase you and invest” is a favorite technique of hookers and gold diggers: they’re not looking for a mutually beneficial relationship, they’re looking for advice they like.
You have two options: fine dining at home or fine dining out. You have to dress up, make up, drive and earn more money to get out.
Sure, a restaurant would be nice, but… You’re in PJs right now, you have work tomorrow, and you’re a little tired. And now you can just watch TV.
Indeed, this is often true even when the quality of food eaten at home is not as good as that served in a restaurant.
If we play hard to get, it gives the impression that we don’t like the person, and that just doesn’t encourage attraction.
Why do you think it would be different if a woman told a man that she loves/respects/adores/loves him?
Indeed, from personal experience, early dating honesty, openness and showing gratitude,
And if he had canceled, I definitely would have seen the bright side of being home and working.
It was the equivalent of saying “I like you” and “I want to be with you.” It was the female equivalent of chasing a man and it made me feel great.
I loved his honesty, appreciated him more and was also looking forward to seeing him.
But for our purposes, you don’t need to know him. All you need to know is that her personal experience of “letting him chase you” is generalized to many desirable men.
I’ve been thinking about you, you know, I’ve been thinking about you later tonight He called me first, I couldn’t say no Where you going later (asks) I don’t know boy (he answers)
Vasco Rossi reveals that he preferred girl number two. But it was a girl who called him first. Girl number one was there and available. And he probably felt good about showing his interest.
Maybe they even hate each other. But the girl has one shot. Girl Two is playing second fiddle, waiting for her turn… If it ever comes.
Of course, one can go to extremes and lose. Guys probably don’t want a girl who throws herself at him for a long time. But we are not talking about such extremes here.
The best advice is based on experience, observations, as well as good science and data.
When women are lacking, culture is highly romanticized. Males chase, chase and put on displays to attract females.
As Birger brilliantly demonstrates in his book Date-Onomics, men have very little, if any, pursuit when women are around.
It probably is if you live in big cities, if you are an intelligent woman with a good education and career (also read: dating successful women).
Exactly the same place, two opposite attitudes: one girl wants me to invest and chase, the other is more receptive.
The first wife is not wrong. But since there were more available and warmer women with equal sexual market value, a man does not seek a demanding woman. It’s a simple law of supply and demand.
The woman in the second example text didn’t come to me after our date. And we saw each other again.
In auction theory, strong bidders are those who have more resources and are more confident that they can win the auction. They are equal women with a lot to offer.
This is because weak bidders with fewer bids know they can bid more and feel pressure to take home something.
Confident women win because they are more active in dating: they don’t play “chase me” and help men in the dating process.
Instead, strong bidders are more likely to hold back and keep their powder dry for a big auction. A great auction equals Mr. Right.
As you know, Mr. Right is extremely rare in real life. Meanwhile, almost all of the “Mr. Almost right” and “Mr. OK” everything is already paired.
Barry Schwarz reviews the decision-making literature to find that the presence of many choices often leads to choice paralysis.
People with less options, knowing that they have no choice, usually choose something faster, do it and… Be happier.
We live in big cities where we are led to believe that the choices are endless, we can swipe through a hundred profiles in a few minutes.
And of course, says evolutionary researcher David Buss, advertising with Photoshopped supermodels makes us think that all possibilities are much better than they really are.
Women caught in the paradox of choice force men to pursue more than is effective because they mistakenly believe that the options are endless.
However, there are some situations where ditching the “let him chase” theory and going for it is a clear winner.
If you’re consuming content here, chances are you’re an intelligent and/or educated girl.
In the West – and in much of the rest of the world – there has been a huge shift in gender education and earning potential.
Women beat boys in the ass. However, it has major dating disadvantages. Currently, there are more women in the West than men with higher education.
And since women prefer “marriage” on average, that means they’re dating a tough market.
In the beginning, even if there are more quality women (players) than men (chairs), finding a pair is still not difficult.
But as time goes by and more chairs are removed (bachelors who pair up), the game gets harder and the percentage of people who can’t find a seat (women who stay single) increases.
Like a game of musical chairs, it becomes a mathematical certainty that dating in such a market will only get worse over time.
And as we’ve seen, women who shut down early weren’t necessarily prettier or smarter. Often they were simply more determined.
For example, if you’re trying to get a guy to spend money on you, it’s a great idea to stay out of his reach.
Or if you’re sure he’s not dating any other women, pursuing him will also increase your value.
It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing the specific situation, so it’s a good idea to stay away from generalizations.
Normally in all these situations I would be cautious and “let him chase the games”.
Finally, there is a great middle option that has the advantage of making men feel special and wanted, as well as being unique.
Some men who are the most driven and abusive seem to “screw her and then dump her” to “show off”.
Optionally hard to get means that you are hard to get for most people, but “easy” for the man of your choice. Not because you’re easy in general, but because he’s special.
But aside from not necessarily being the best move towards a relationship, it just works against you in a lot of situations.
And like everything: balance. This is not a free pass to start all stalking and romance. Quite the opposite. Skilled girls perfectly “help” a man in the romance process (a story for another article).
The author holds a master’s degree from the Department of Communication and Sociological Studies at La Sapienza and is a member of the American Psychological Association (APA). She studies psychology, persuasion, social and dating strategies, and everything related to people and power dynamics. Lucio’s approach combines science, direct experience and critical analysis. He believes that social strategies can only be taught when all three go together.
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